if the sky falls on my head while i am chasing butterflies, so be it

From Serendipity

2012-01-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

"Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny. "

Dream

2012-01-23T11:46:00.001+08:00

We parked on an empty street, bathed in orange light from the street lamps above. I ate a hamburger while you slept.

冲动

2011-12-28T19:38:00.001+08:00

每次冲动留下的都有所不同

然而有天你会懂就是那些让你不同

仓颉

2011-12-23T17:51:00.003+08:00

After being delayed for a week, Mayday's Code 8 has finally been released in Singapore. And the standout song for me currently is 仓颉 . I really wish I had mastered my mandarin in school so I would be able to fully understand and appreciate the nuance of the lyrics, but I try my best and even with my limited understanding, they are beautiful. It's so true how sometimes words do not suffice to express our deepest emotions.

一颗葡萄有多甜美

用尽了所有的图腾和语言描写

想一个人有多想念

那又是文字失效瞬间

结一个纪念的绳结

记录你离去后万语和千言瓦解

升起了慌张的狼烟

我一落在最孤独史前的荒野

多遥远多纠结多想念多无法描写

疼痛和疯癫你都看不见

想穿越想飞天想变成造字的仓颉

写出能让你快回来的诗篇

一只蝴蝶有多鲜艳

能不能飞越过猜忌和冷漠世界

给你的简讯和留言

说不清万分之一追悔

当星宿都沉默山岳

只盼你会抬头看我寄托的弯月

当一个文明即将熄灭

有什么证明你我存在的岁月

多遥远多纠结多想念多无法描写

疼痛和疯癫你都看不见

想穿越想飞天想变成造字的仓颉

创造能让你想起我的字眼

多遥远多纠结多想念多无法描写

疼痛和疯癫你都看不见

想穿越想飞天想变成造字的仓颉

写出能让你快回来的诗

需要你需要你需要你想逆转时间

回到最开始有你的世界

想穿越想飞天想变成造字的仓颉

Maybe that's why I make photographs.

沒有預兆沒有理由你真的都說過

2011-12-15T09:22:00.000+08:00

Full Circle.

2011-12-13T08:58:00.000+08:00

12/12/11

2011-11-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

Rain rain and rain

Wet, this feels like

A pyrrhic victory

Spies

2011-11-13T16:26:00.001+08:00

I awake to find no peace of mind
I said, how do you live as a fugitive
Down here where I cannot see so clear
I said, what do I know
Show me the right way to go

Silent fireworks.

2011-11-13T10:23:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.

2011-11-06T08:30:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I get an urge to dial those 8 numbers. Out of habit or something more than that?

Hindsight

2011-10-27T06:46:00.004+08:00

In those moments of hindsight, it seemed everything could have been perfect and a part of me really wanted to give it another go; to watch Coco grow up. Why didn't they happen in our three years? I guess we could be honest and rational now without the distractions of emotion or pride. These what-ifs eat away at me. I still wonder...

Closure.

2011-10-22T18:14:00.002+08:00

As a way of closure, I donated blood today and I will be going down to make a donation to the Children's Cancer Society on Monday. Feels right.

.

2011-10-21T20:56:00.001+08:00

I worry that you will hate me forever. That we will never speak again.

.

2011-10-15T16:41:00.001+08:00

I am sorry.

Thank you Steve Jobs.

2011-10-09T21:41:00.002+08:00

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. Your time is limited. Don't waste it living someone else's life"

The lovers are losing.

2011-10-09T06:29:00.001+08:00

You take the pieces of the dreams that you have
Cause you don't like the way they seem to be going
You cut them up and spread them out on the floor
You're full of hope as you begin rearranging
Put it all back together
But anyway you look at things
Looks like
The lovers are losing

Tortured.

2011-10-05T11:52:00.004+08:00

Without the pressure, I wouldn't have started thinking and evaluating and perhaps I wouldn't have lost the feeling. Today, I feel like I owe it to her and me to give it another shot, a last shot? But would that be for the best? We'll know at the end of this month.

For the best.

2011-10-03T13:41:00.003+08:00

To the first girl I could truly say "I love you" to.

I am sorry.

This is for the best.

Even if we both can't see it now.

I am sorry.

2011-10-02T15:42:00.003+08:00

What have I thrown away?

I am selfish.

I am sorry.

I am sorry,

I am sorry.

I am sorry

I am sorry.

Miu Miu come home!

2011-09-29T12:34:00.001+08:00

I feel lost without my cat. This is truly a strange year.

A lot like how I feel now.

2011-09-27T19:25:00.002+08:00

長大太慢　老得太快　等得太久　結果太難猜
我的故事　被風吹散　我的明天　我從不期待
所以現在　我只想要　尋找一絲　最後的溫暖

Che Guevara speaks to me.

2011-09-26T13:16:00.001+08:00

“The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.”

F1 lights up the city 2011

2011-09-21T07:44:00.003+08:00

OAOA

現在就現在就是永遠是永遠

現在就是永遠

2011-09-15T14:58:00.001+08:00

人生都太短暫

別想別怕別後退

現在就是永遠

Quote from Watchmen.

2011-08-14T14:30:00.001+08:00

"All we ever see of stars are their old photographs."

Mr Manhattan.

I.Robot

2011-08-07T19:13:00.000+08:00

If i call it a day next year, I will remember this.

Mayday deficiency.

2011-08-06T12:39:00.002+08:00

Been feeling a little worn out and jaded recently. On a whim I put on some mayday songs this morning and immediately felt happier and more hopeful.

Our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears

2011-08-03T13:29:00.001+08:00

"Our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears."

I will keep this phrase in mind as I ponder over the future.

Remember these guys?

2011-07-25T18:39:00.001+08:00

Random reminiscence during a meeting this evening.

Stay Young Go Dancing

2011-07-17T11:19:00.002+08:00

From Death Cab for Cutie's latest album, I am currently hooked to the last track, Stay Young Go Dancing.

Life is sweet in the belly of the beast

In the belly of the beast

And with her song in your heart

It can never bring you down

Lost in a maze of a thousand rainy days

Of a thousand rainy days

But when I heard her voice

Oh it lead me to the end

Yes it lead me to then end

Cause when she sings I hear a symphony

And I'm swallowed in sound as it echos through me

And I'm moved

Oh how I feel alive

And through autumns advancing

We’ll stay young go dancing

As the music plays

Feel our bodies sway

When we move as one

We stay young

Life is sweet in the belly of the beast

And with her song in your heart

It can never bring you down

Cause when she sings I hear a symphony

And I’m swallowed in sound as it echos through me

And I’m moved

Oh how I feel alive

And through winters advancing

We’ll stay young go dancing

It was peaceful.

2011-06-11T11:12:00.003+08:00

Jaime's dad passed away last night, after battling for 4 months. He passed away on his own terms, at home with his family around him. It was peaceful. Thank you all who have shown concern for Jaime and her family in the last 4 months.

The river did not burst its banks.

2011-06-05T09:29:00.000+08:00

June 4.

2011-06-04T23:11:00.001+08:00

Today, I got the sense that everyone is ready.

Peace.

2011-06-01T22:11:00.000+08:00

I asked him how he was today. He told me he was ready to go.

Memories are never enough.

2011-05-28T11:57:00.000+08:00

We need photographs because they prove we were once so alive and happy. Why are our memories not enough?

Bleak.

2011-05-24T22:14:00.001+08:00

Yaohui told me today. Shoot this with your heart. There can be no other way.

A Historic Day.

2011-05-08T19:07:00.001+08:00

My friend, Philipp Aldrup facebook status reads:

"The Year is 50 BC. Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans. Well, not entirely... One small village of indomitable gauls still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium."

That village just got a lot bigger!

Growing Up.

2011-04-27T22:48:00.006+08:00

Everyday, his condition seems to worsen a bit. I am still waiting for that miracle moment but I beginning to think it may not come. On Monday Jaime cried so hard, it was so painful to see. I had tears in my eyes seeing her so broken but I told myself I couldn't cry I had to be strong for her. This is something all of us will eventually have to face. It's somehow just too premature. It's tough, this, Growing up.

Lesson from a song.

2011-04-22T01:10:00.000+08:00

身体和财富, 都是身外物.
都是借来, 完成短促的演出.
人类是租户, 爱却是礼物.
哪怕物归原主, 爱也不会结束

Chiam See Tong fights on in spite of his stroke

2011-04-14T22:36:00.001+08:00

Saw him on the chinese news tonight. He looked frail and spoke very slowly, his speech close to slurring. I am moved by his strength of belief, by his courage. This is someone who truly loves Singapore, beyond singing the national day song, kissing the flag.

Post SH2011

2011-03-28T20:28:00.002+08:00

Just finished a memorable and immensely satisfying 4 days Shooting Home. Got to know a great bunch of fellow photographers as well as a quartet of inspiring mentors. But this was all tempered by bad news from NUH. The doctors don't know what else to do and it's all down to God's grace. It feels like the door is slowly shutting but we have got to hold on to what little light we have. My dear, anything happens, just know that I will be there for you.

The dread that won't go away.

2011-03-21T23:59:00.004+08:00

We are quite worried about Jaime's Dad. Post chemo, his fever won't go down, and he has lost a lot of weight. Jaime's worried, and so I can't sleep.

After 2 weeks in Pasir Labar

2011-03-19T22:28:00.001+08:00

Been awhile since I woke up at home.

End of Resevist.

2011-03-18T18:42:00.003+08:00

The SAF being a natural monopoly and such a large organization is understandably, unbearably, inefficient. After 11 years, it's still rush to wait, wait to rush.

My Cat misses my girlfriend's hands.

2011-03-02T23:23:00.001+08:00

Miu Miu, all grown up.

Family Ties.

2011-02-27T18:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, it takes a rude shock to help us realize how much we really love the people around us. Let us all start to appreciate them better.

Tough Times

2011-02-20T10:54:00.001+08:00

Jaime has been under intense stress lately. I am doing my best but I wish I could do more to lighten her load.

Thank you Almighty.

2011-02-17T23:15:00.001+08:00

First piece of good news after the whirlwind struck last saturday to turn our lives upside down. We pray for the progress to continue.

We hope and we pray.

2011-02-16T23:01:00.001+08:00

A bolt from the blue.

2011-02-12T21:50:00.001+08:00

Life can turn into a tragedy in one night. I bathed and after, I packed for the night and the tears started rolling down. I guess this is Love. To feel the same pain.

Damn.

2011-02-12T09:11:00.002+08:00

I hate it how even on days where I don't have to work, my body clock wakes me up at 630am.

Siblings

2011-02-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

Visiting during Chinese New Year

On Patience.

2011-02-05T18:49:00.002+08:00

Learn to see, and be patient and nature will surprise you with it's unexpected coincidences.

Birthday Surprise

2011-01-31T19:48:00.001+08:00

We gave our mum a birthday surprise last week.

Dream

2011-01-26T14:04:00.002+08:00

如果真的不快乐

难道有谁能够重新开始活着

从小我们就要求一模一样头发一样

服装一样

连人生的梦想也要一模一样

考个像样的学校找个像样的工作

住个像样的房子过个像样的人生

终于有一天我突然发现

这就是我的人生吗

但这就是我的人生吗

日复一日月复一月年复一年

白衬衫黑领带

我的人生

是不是DNA 决定我们都要一模一样

一样平凡一样普通一样一事无成

一样困在生活的圆圈里

日复一日月复一月年复一年

可不可以重头再来过

可不可以重新开始活着

可不可以重头开始追求我的梦想

我好想复制一个新的自己重头再来

再也不是白衬衫黑领带的自己

我好想复制一个新的自己

Athlete

2011-01-23T10:50:00.004+08:00

"Please break my heart, just so I can feel, at least I would have something that I could believe in ..."

With lyrics as poignant as these, I wonder why the Athlete aren't bigger than they are. If only they were, then maybe we would be able to see them perform on these shores.

溫柔

2011-01-22T18:11:00.003+08:00

溫柔. I put on this song, the original version, and for a split second, I believed I was 18 again, staring wide-eyed at the lights of xi men ding and hearing this song for the first time.

後青春期的詩

2011-01-20T23:45:00.005+08:00

One reason why I am such a big fan of Mayday is that they seem to always have a song to echo my my sentiments. Right now, as I am feeling more than a little anxiety about hitting the big 30 at the end of year, I find comfort in 後青春期的詩.

Translation of the lyrics below courtesy of www.onedayinmay.net

後青春期的詩 Poetry of the Day After

詞曲：阿信
Music and Lyrics by Ashin

As the mist follows the dawn's light drifting away, the pillowy banks of the lake have been blown dry
Anticipation has already degenerated to waiting, and I say good-bye to the unexpected
As the traces of tears create an outline of regret, memories brightly obscure the pain,
Time slips away just like flowing water

In the end we will no longer revel in life, get hysterical over love
However youth is on the other shore, the eternal summer shines on day by day
(Ashin speaking: And then? Move on together...)

Who says I can't have my only production in this life be like a poem --
No matter how far in the future, each word, each line, each verse you read still shines
Let the sky explain what blue is, the floating clouds describe what white is
The falling flowers spread out like a red carpet, welcoming us to the future
The colorful, unfinished future

當煙霧隨晨光飄散枕畔的湖已風乾
期待已退化成等待而我告別了突然
當淚痕勾勒成遺憾回憶誇飾著傷感逝水比喻時光荏苒

終於我們不再為了生命狂歡　為愛情狂亂
然而青春彼岸　盛夏正要一天一天一天的燦爛
(阿信口白：然後呢一起走吧)

誰說不能讓我　此生唯一自傳　如同詩一般
無論多遠未來　讀來依然一字一句一篇都燦爛
讓天空解釋著蔚藍　浮雲定義著潔白
落花鋪陳一片紅色地毯　迎接我們到未來　精彩未完的未來

Resolution?

2011-01-19T23:16:00.002+08:00

It's been 2 weeks and I have positive vibes about the 3 classes I have been allocated this year. The students have been a great bunch so far. It's still early in the year but I resolve to not allow the petty politics of the office hinder me from preparing them as best I can for the A Levels.

Bit of Relief

2011-01-10T23:15:00.005+08:00

Growing up supporting rival clubs, Man United and Liverpool, I had been worried that my Brother was becoming apathetic towards his favorite club - Liverpool, after observing that he had stopped watching their games on TV. So, it was strange relief I felt, after he snapped irritatedly at me, this evening, "I can't be bothered to talk to you because you know nothing about this club!" when I informed him that Michael Owen was unsurprised by Liverpool's slump.

Development?

2011-01-09T09:13:00.002+08:00

We have found our special secret picnic place. But will it soon disappear to relentless development destruction we have grown so used to in Singapore?

Forgetfulness.

2011-01-03T22:22:00.004+08:00

Why are we so forgetful? Today, I realized I have forgotten the names of some people I knew from my time in NUS.

The trouble with not believing in reincarnation.

2011-01-02T21:48:00.003+08:00

"We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come."

Milan Kundera.

Last Day of 2010

2010-12-31T08:09:00.004+08:00

It's the last day of 2010 ! What an eventful, enriching, sometimes tumultuous year it has been. We have done so many things, learnt so much, seen so much and yet why is it that when we look back, the weeks and the months, they always seem to have passed too quickly?

Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to photography. It promises hope, that we can perhaps, somehow, look through the viewfinder and with the click of a shutter, freeze the people, freeze the moments and hold on to them.

Bali-bound.

2010-12-23T20:24:00.002+08:00

We are at the airport now, running a little late for boarding, at the computer terminals because Jaime has to buy insurance and she's trying to blame me for not reminding her and ranting about how slow her computer is and trying to disrupt the completion of this blogpost.hjtyuikir[

Road Trip Videos.

2010-12-22T23:35:00.003+08:00

Was making data backups just now, when i came upon the videos from our Californian road-trip adventure. Brought back good memories. Nothing fancy, just me filming the road while my sister drove, Jaime in the backseat, the stereo playing someone's favorite. I love road trips.

Getting Old.

2010-12-20T01:28:00.002+08:00

Nice family photo taken by Jaime!

Nice couple photo taken by my sister!

Hypocrisy.

2010-12-17T18:01:00.004+08:00

The recent wikileaks revelations have revealed our local diplomats to be hypocrites. They will profess great friendship, but badmouth you behind your back. Nothing unusual you say, happens everywhere today. Well I do hope I have true friends I can count on, who I will show the same loyalty to.

2000 has come and gone.

2010-12-14T00:01:00.005+08:00

As I was queuing up today to pay today at Gramophone, my eyes scanned the low tables nearby, at the titles on sale and I caught sight of a CD I vaguely remembered I used to have, but lent to someone and then forgot about. Whoever you are, I want my Pulp CD back!

2010-12-03T16:12:00.001+08:00

The wind and the rain are banging on the fibre-glass windows, demanding to be let in.

Quote

2010-11-30T09:40:00.001+08:00

There is an inherent melancholy in photography. Even lives as recorded by the camera as vital and present will over time, become ghosts. The inevitability of death hovers gently over all photographs.

Poverty Tourism.

2010-11-21T20:09:00.002+08:00

A line in the essay by Eduardo Galeano on Salgado's work got me thinking -' [...] the tourism' of poverty[...]'. There have been too many photographers starting out who are fascinated by 'Poverty'. And they try their best to produce 'beautiful' photographs of sad poor people. I myself suffered a similar affliction. But I have realized that, this is in a way an act of exploitation, where utility is extracted from misery. These days, I steer clear from such a subject matter.

Goodbye Uncle Sam.

2010-11-17T16:20:00.002+08:00

There's something really beautiful about a ritual in which the sons carry their father's coffin on their backs down 10 storeys of stairs.

A portrait is about people.

2010-11-14T22:09:00.004+08:00

Things I learnt from the Justin Guariglia workshop:

i) a portrait should be about the people, hence the subject's facial expression, body language is very important, perhaps more important than the composition or the background, that is something I may have neglected before

ii) a strong portrait is one which reveals a connection between the subject and the photographer

iii) for that to happen, the subject must be at ease, the scene should not be contrived ( avoid deer in headlights look, tourist smile or goofy grin)

iv) to put subject at ease, spend time with the subject, be genuinely interested in him/her, establish a connection. Take many photos.

v) pose the subject, you are the director, tell the subject what to do, where to stand, whether to smile, how to smile, mouth closed or open, where to look

small details matter and add interest to an environmental portrait

vi) never let hubris get in the way of a better picture, you can always do better.

Crossfire

2010-11-06T09:18:00.002+08:00

Love this one by Brandon Flowers. Looking forward to the next Killers' release.

Plasticine People

2010-11-02T17:13:00.004+08:00

Are we plasticine people? Soft, malleable, leading lives dictated. Are we slaves to our jobs, compelled to run ever faster in the hamster wheel, to pay for our bills, to pay off our mortgages? I want to hold tight to my dreams and ideals but with each passing year, fear creeps in. I may be getting too old for dreams.

Halloween @ the Night Safari.

2010-10-31T12:18:00.002+08:00

Jaime enjoying herself at the Night Safari. She screamed her lungs out shortly afterwards.It was a unique experience and we enjpyed ourselves even if I do feel that the event is incompatible with the Conservation and Appreciation of animals agenda.

A look back.

2010-10-28T23:48:00.003+08:00

At the Bixby Canyon Bridge, with some sadness, we said farewell to the Big Sur coastline.

Memento Mori

2010-10-27T21:08:00.000+08:00

I am extremely saddened to hear, from my mother, that Uncle Sam, whom I photographed 2 months ago, is dying from Cancer.

Great Message by Adrian Tan.

2010-10-26T08:15:00.000+08:00

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

New boots and a goal.

2010-10-21T00:24:00.002+08:00

I scored a goal last weekend with a new pair of boots. I am enjoying my soccer a lot more now. There's no pressure to perform and I have come to expect less of myself.

Busy weekend.

2010-10-17T19:59:00.002+08:00

7am at Bukit Timah, up and down the hill, twice, no thrice. Lunch at NUS, Laksa Yong Tau Fu. Rush home to grab laptop, change of clothes. National Library Imagination Room, Documentary Photography workshop. 4pm meet Jaime, MBS, room 925. Infinity pool then dinner. A night to remember. 1030am Checkout. Novena for Breakfast. New Predator Soccer boots. 1pm game at Bowen Secondary School. I am at an age where scoring a goal makes me happy, even if the team lost 3-1 Bathe. Feed the cat.

Karaoke.

2010-10-08T22:58:00.006+08:00

Sometimes on the way home, in the car, we have this ridiculously silly but fun karaoke session of sorts, which involves us singing into Jaime's Soundhound iphone app to see if the program recognizes our warbles.

Photography

2010-10-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when you know you have just nailed a shot, the feeling's magical.

Who's gonna watch you die?

2010-10-03T13:58:00.005+08:00

Jaime was moved to tears the other day when I played DCFC's What Sarah Said in the Car. This morning, driving to the game at Yishun, the sky was full with clouds, and the light so soft, it felt like I was in another country. Going around the bend, I was similarly moved by how the band made death sound so beautiful.

What a love story.

2010-10-03T01:36:00.002+08:00

Madam Kwa Geok Choo - the wife of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, and mother of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong passed away yesterday.

Mrs Lee Kuan Yew, age 89, passed away peacefully at home at 5.40 pm.

Madam Kwa was one of 8 children.

An outstanding student at Methodist Girls' School, she also topped the 1936 Senior Cambridge Examination for the whole of Malaya and Singapore.

At Raffles Institution, she caught the attention of a young Lee Kuan Yew when she gave him unexpectedly stiff competition for a Queen's Scholarship.

But academic rivalry aside, he knew he had found his equal, and his soul mate.

Their relationship grew through the years of Japanese Occupation, and by September 1944, love had blossomed.

When World War II ended, Mr Lee left to study law in England in 1946. But he was miserable until she joined him at Cambridge University a year later.

The two married secretly on 23 December 1947.

She had just turned 27, and he was 24.

Mrs Lee said: "You can't explain these things ... He had tremendous aplomb, self-confidence, very jaunty, he was a handsome young man."

When they returned to Singapore in 1950, they tied the knot again, this time with their parents' full knowledge.

When Mr Lee got more involved in politics and became Singapore's Prime Minister in 1959, it was Mrs Lee and his younger brother, Lee Kim Yew, who built up and expanded Lee & Lee - the law firm all three had set up in 1955.

Mr Lee once said his great advantage was that he had a wife who could be a sole breadwinner and bring the children up.

That was his, quote, "insurance policy," which allowed him to play the role he did in Singapore's history.

In October 2003 - Mrs Lee suffered a stroke while on a visit to London.

Fortunately, she made a swift recovery and was again seen in public at her husband's side at community events, and on official trips overseas.

And she was there when Lee Hsien Loong was sworn in as Singapore's third Prime Minister.

Although she had shied away from a high profile, her contributions to Singapore had been most significant, and pivotal to its history.

"If she weren't an influence, supposing I had married somebody else, I might have become a different person, not that I would be a different person, but the things that I would have been able to do, the kind of backdrop I would have had, family, support, would have been different," said MM Lee. - Channel News Asia

The boy/girl who cried wolf.

2010-09-29T18:08:00.004+08:00

I have always believed honesty is the best policy. It's really common sense. It is just too much trouble having to come up with one lie after another to cover up your previous fib. I will be honest now, I am not perfect. Sometimes I stretch the truth, sometimes for convenience, I gloss things over to save myself an explanation, sometimes I tell a tall story as a joke or in order to be tricky, but I try as much as possible, in the the things that matter, to be truthful.

If you have cried wolf too many times, no one's gonna take you seriously anymore. And that's a real tragedy.

Marking Deadline

2010-09-28T16:52:00.002+08:00

12 October is marking deadline, giving me exactly 2 weeks from today.

Diverge

2010-09-15T00:17:00.007+08:00

Found some time today after class to have supper/dinner with Gwen. I don't see many of my good friends nowadays, as our paths diverge after graduation. I am worried we may lose the comfortable familiarity, becoming acquaintances who stand around, awkwardly making small talk.

如煙

2010-09-04T10:40:00.004+08:00

The old man woke up early. It was still dark outside and quiet in the ward. The duty nurse would only come by in 30 minutes. The old man looked down at his wrinkled hands and for a brief moment he felt horrified because he couldn't understand how and why he had gotten so old so fast.

Application

2010-09-03T18:15:00.003+08:00

Sent out my bio and portfolio as part of my application for the Manit Sriwanichpoom Workshop in October. Keeping my fingers crossed that I will get a place and the chance to learn from a photographer picked as one of the world’s 100 most interesting emerging photographers by Phaidon.

Dustland Fairytale

2010-09-01T09:56:00.004+08:00

I think the road trip through California in June has allowed me to 'feel' more about this MTV.

Elections are coming!

2010-08-30T23:58:00.006+08:00

Make no mistake about it. The slew of measures which followed the PM's national day rally speech were appeasement measures enacted with the General Elections in mind. After a series of high profile blunders, the government has finally started to address the long-standing concerns of many Singaporeans. Affordability of housing, transportation, immigration. Major issues, the opposition party could have exploited, to damage the government's majority, come election time. On paper, the changes look promising. This underlines clearly, the importance of having an opposition party. Its mere presence was enough, in this case, to keep the government on its toes.

Grand Prize.

2010-08-28T09:26:00.003+08:00

I won the Grand Prize at the school teachers' day dinner last night. A return ticket to Kunming in Lijiang China. Valid from September to 31st December 2010. Very nice. Except I am already going, with the school in early December. Feels like someone is playing a trick on me.

Smart Animals

2010-08-22T09:37:00.002+08:00

Animals are smarter than we think they are. This morning, I was awoken by a jarring metallic noise coming from the balcony. I was surprised to see that that the source of the noise was an angry mynah bird, perched on the bamboo pole we use for drying out clothes. He or she had flown in to confront my cat, Miu Miu who spends his mornings over at the kitchen window starring out at the mynah's nest on the air-conditioner box just out of reach. The two were locked in a long stare until the mynah swooped down on him, and Miu Miu ever timid, already intimidated by the strange alien noise, retreated and ran behind me. Mynah 1 Miu Miu 0.

Perspective.

2010-08-14T22:31:00.005+08:00

The opening ceremony of the inaugural YOG was impressive, a real spectacle; the lighthouse finale was especially impressive. Our national leaders must surely be pleased with the showcase of our city skyline to TV audiences all around the world.

To put things in perspective however, in Pakistan, millions of people are reeling from the worst floods in the country's history, triggered by monsoon rains and a new antibiotic resistant super-bug has surfaced in Europe, sparking fears of a new global pandemic.

Are we really supposed to be celebrating?

So much to learn.

2010-08-13T13:05:00.005+08:00

With each additional workshop/course on photography that I attend, I discover how little I know, and realize there is so much more for me to learn and I can ill afford to rest on my laurels.

Change of mind.

2010-08-07T20:57:00.002+08:00

This has been such an exhausting week. I have not been so sleep deprived since days in the army. But seeing how high and happy the students were made me think it was all worth it.

Beverly. No More Tears.

2010-07-30T23:38:00.007+08:00

I have found the song to accompany my photo documentary project.

Everyday, I meet, I interact with, these silly, wonderful, talented, promising, young people with so much time, so much youth to burn, burn, burn; So like me, us, so like how we were, in a teenage textbook movie, a lifetime ago.

Kenny n Sandy.

2010-07-28T23:33:00.003+08:00

Sad. My mate Kenny is heading off to Hongkong to work in Nomura Bank, even before the long awaited housewarming party for his new house! But I wish him all the best in his new adventure and a part of me is a little envious that he gets the chance to go off on a huge adventure in the twilight of our youth.

if the sky falls on my head while i am chasing butterflies, so be it

From Serendipity

Dream

冲动

仓颉

沒有預兆 沒有理由 你真的都說過

Full Circle.

Spies

Silent fireworks.

Sometimes.

Hindsight

Closure.

.

.

Thank you Steve Jobs.

The lovers are losing.

Tortured.

For the best.

I am sorry.

Miu Miu come home!

A lot like how I feel now.

Che Guevara speaks to me.

F1 lights up the city 2011

現在就現在就是永遠是永遠

現在就是永遠

Quote from Watchmen.

I.Robot

Mayday deficiency.

Our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears

Remember these guys?

Stay Young Go Dancing

It was peaceful.

The river did not burst its banks.

June 4.

Peace.

Memories are never enough.

Bleak.

A Historic Day.

Growing Up.

Lesson from a song.

Chiam See Tong fights on in spite of his stroke

Post SH2011

The dread that won't go away.

After 2 weeks in Pasir Labar

End of Resevist.

My Cat misses my girlfriend's hands.

Family Ties.

Tough Times

Thank you Almighty.

We hope and we pray.

A bolt from the blue.

Damn.

Siblings

On Patience.

Learn to see, and be patient and nature will surprise you with it's unexpected coincidences.

Birthday Surprise

Dream

Athlete

溫柔

後青春期的詩

Resolution?

Bit of Relief

Development?

Forgetfulness.

The trouble with not believing in reincarnation.

Last Day of 2010

Bali-bound.

Road Trip Videos.

Getting Old.

Hypocrisy.

2000 has come and gone.

Quote

There is an inherent melancholy in photography. Even lives as recorded by the camera as vital and present will over time, become ghosts. The inevitability of death hovers gently over all photographs.

Poverty Tourism.

Goodbye Uncle Sam.

A portrait is about people.

Crossfire

Plasticine People

Halloween @ the Night Safari.

A look back.

沒有預兆沒有理由你真的都說過