Time to grow up. I had a conversation with Weiquan just now. I guess one good thing that has come out of this ordeal is that I am closer to my brother and sister now. He said, "If you ask me, you guys weren't ready for marriage, Jaime wasn't and neither were you, but her Dad had just passed away, you should have just said Yes. Agreeing would have given her reassurance she needed." I wish I was this mature then.

What do I want now? I ask myself.

In 2-4 years time, I want to marry someone I love. We will save for our house together, pick out the furniture, the fittings, the kitchen, the bathroom tiles, her corner for clothes, my corner for photography. We will see the world together, I will cook for her, we will face anything life has to throw at us together ,we will watch the sunrises and the sunsets together and we will raise our kids well together. I want all that now.

But you are no longer here.