334am

I have just had the strangest dream/nightmare. Setting - a church of sorts. I sit down and I catch you in the corner of my eye. You are at the end in the same row/bench. I keep looking across at you but you only look to the front. And somehow I cannot stand up or move closer to catch your attention.  Next, a supermarket. Before this I could never remember how Ivan looks like but in this dream I can, finally. I stand face to face with him. He is pushing a trolley filled with fruits and he laughs and says He won't let you down. Next I am at a table having dinner with your Uncle. He asked me why I let you down. I can only say I am sorry and my heart sinks. And finally I go for a walk with you Father. He asks me about how Man Utd is doing in the league and he wears his faded Man Utd jersey and all the time I keep trying to apologize to him but he always walks a step ahead of me and I wake up in tears and I feel so tired, it's like I haven't slept. Everything so real so vividly so.