Just back from soccer and my legs are aching, I badly need to get fitter. My first game for Katong Rovers today, a friendly match as part of their preparations for the NFL Division One Season. I thought I did quite well. My passing was good, and the coach kept me on as a right winger for the whole of the 2nd half after I had come in as a substitute in the first half so I must be doing something right. Aware of my lack of stamina after such a long layoff, rarely did I try to take the man on, instead I relied on my passing and sent in some good crosses. I even won a penalty after being hacked down in the box. When your teammates start talking to you, you know you are doing well enough to be accepted. It's a bright start, I only hope I can maintain my form and keep things simple.

It seems I am living the idle semi-charmed kind of life, which I always thought was cool when I was young. I have completed my studies, scrapping through with an honours degree. Jobless, but I have a bike , Italian at that,the one I fell in love in at 17, which embues me with a measure of freedom. I have all the time to wander around Singapore and I am due to wander around the USA in a few months time. I have started windsurfing again. I earn some pocket money doing odd jobs like refereeing and bringing jap kids around Singapore. My family doesn't need me to pay the bills, I have all the time in the world, to discover myself, to do the things I really want to do. I want to play in the NFL, I want to learn how to cook, get better at windsurfing, I plan to work out, put on more weight, get stronger.

And yet I am worried, I feel pressured to find a job, to contribute to the family so I will not be seen as a lazy good-for-nothing wastrel. I had lunch with KenC the other day and he said something which resounds in me. "You have your whole life ahead of you for work , so take your time, don't worry, enjoy your freedom. when you start work, you will start to miss your life now."

I should be happy.