"There's no point in letting jealousy affect you." That's plain, simple and true. But being able to see it doesn't mean you are able to follow through with it. No, not when it is the main surge of emotion which seizes you in those moments. You just feel like going, "Fuck!" My friend's mum passed away yesterday. When I heard the news, for a couple of seconds I felt sadness and sympathy and then I was detached again, back into the jealousy induced whirlpool and I begin to wonder if something is wrong with me, or is it just human to be this selfish and consumed first by the problems(is there even a problem) in our personal lives. Maybe if I was closer to him, I would feel more? I don't know.

If I wasn't jealous, it would mean I didn't like her. But I don't want to feel jealousy. I hate this feeling. Before I fell asleep last night, I received an SMS from Simian in New York. It read, " xiang I moved into my hostel le its snow everywhere here and i am rather lost but slowly feeling my way around hope to see you in may and take care." It was something which shook the jealousy away, at least long enough, as I thought hard of what to reply, how best to convey my regards and to find the most reassuring words, because I have been there alone in winter and I know how lonely it can get. In the end I sent two messages, because I felt the first one wasn't enough and I tried to pray a bit for him, but I fell asleep soon.

This morning, earlier on the BBC, I heard about how global warming and the discharge of industrial waste into the oceans, is resulting in an exponential growth in the jellyfish population, wreaking havoc in fishing communities, where the jellyfish compete for food with the young fishlings and clogging up nuclear reactors from N America, to the Philippines and Japan and it just puts things into perspective, that there are so many greater problems in the world, and yet it seems we will always be concerned most only with the smaller, more immediate things in our lives. So the next time a beauty queen says, World Peace, or Stopping Poverty, think again.

I am glad for the ESPN job, there's just so much to learn and it's been interesting, as far as the first day goes, at least there is something to take my mind away for 8 hours a day.