GA

Anxious and worried about the operation tomorrow. It's the GA's that is getting to me. I think this must be what it's like to die. You don't even know when you lose consciousness. When you wake it, if you do, it feels like a part of your life has been stolen away from you.

Pre Admission Testing

Sat down next to an old lady in the waiting room. She turned to me and asked if I had a nail clipper. I shook my head and said sorry I don't. She proceeded to poke me with her super sharp finger nail to demonstrate why she had to cut her finger nail. Not once but thrice. Finally I stood up and went to the counter in the opposite room to borrow a pair of scissors for her. What I learnt today: Left leg still above average strength. Right calf and thigh muscles however have degenerated. Should be up and walking without crutches 10 days after surgery.

Good Friday.

So Gwen got hitched on Good Friday. It was a day of mixed emotions for me. Extremely happy for him and yet at some points in his ceremony at Soka, I was filled with regret and longing. Do you believe in alternate dimensions? Perhaps in one of them, one in which I did not make the same mistake I made, to hurt you so irreversibly, we would be in the same position as them, saying the same vows. I do not let the emotions affect me this time.

6am thoughts.

So in a flash, 1/3 of the year has gone. I have done so much and yet everyday seems so fresh so new and so uncertain. I have met so many new people, but miss the old ones. I walk with a slight limp now and I sleep on the floor at night. It's like scattering the chess pieces of a game you have been playing for the last 5 years. Feels like a dream come true, sometimes a nightmare but I have to keep going keep going and hope for the best. And try my very best.

25th April beckons.

Went for pre-operation check up today. No turning back now. Really dreading the 25th of April and then the long struggle to walk again. God bless the insurance plans I bought years earlier. No need to pay a cent out of pocket.

Going home.

Singing my heart out (the one hand clenched in a fist type) as I drive home after a shoot, a Vespa pulls up beside me, the couple on it look at me and laugh, and I burst out laughing myself. We all look at each other and smile. Nice way to end the day.

Tired

Got to the doorstep. Instead of inserting the house key, I pressed the unlock button on the car remote. I must be tired.