I am feeling happy tonight, even if my shoulder is still pretty sore after it came out and went back in during the soccer game this morning. Burnt.

How did it come to this?

Mr Rajaratnam passed away yesterday. There was a TV tribute. I was moved to tears when I saw footage of him at his wife's funeral in 1989. He was sobbing and just before they closed the coffin, he blew a kiss onto his hand and laid it on her forehead. It was such a poignant moment.

In the Newpaper today, I learnt that when he realised he was losing his memory, he stuck a note on his wife's portrait to remind himself of his undying love. Tender.

"There's no disappointment , until I wake up, I don't wanna wake up"

Dishwalla - Until I wake up

Some dreams are so sweet, but when you wake reality hits and the emptiness is amplified.

Last night, the sky was void of clouds and I could see the most stars I have ever seen on mainland Singapore. I could only wonder, why aren't you here with me ?

Winnie pointed out the Orion belt to me. Three stars in a straight row. Align them to the North Star and they point to North. Point me which way.

Sunday, spent half the day sleeping after soccer in the morning, to make up for last night. Went through some of my childhood pics and I really appreciate my Dad's photography. We were so happy then, where has all the happiness gone to?

Cheer Up Brikie.

I minimize the variance, and then I look out of the window. It is dark and it has started to rain. I begin to worry about her. As I worry, the image worsens. The rain falls harder and the trees shudder ever more violently. The soft thunder rolling through the insulated walls become more frequent. I fiddle with my phone. I want to call her, sms her, find out where she is; whether she is caught in a bus stop somewhere, but I pause because.....And then in a moment of impulse, I send out an sms which I regret almost immediately.

And so we come to the midterm break. Do you know your lovely face is like a drug? Some break it is gonna be when I won't see you at all. And I am looking into the future in my head, and I see you with the other guys and I just can't look anymore, it's killing me....

What have I done wrong?

Today is the 9th day of February. I wonder if she realises. One month after Clifford Pier. Sometimes, I can tell that she knows even if she says she doesn't. This time I couldn't tell.
9:52 pm. Dakota. The Stereophonics. The bus passes Coronation plaza as I adjust my earphones. This is where my bus goes straight and your bus turns left.

"I don't know where we are going now."

Sunday was a windy day. That is all I can think of to sum up the day. In some ways, Sunday paled in comparison to Saturday. Well, everyday now pales in comparison to the days before and the days that could have been.

Saturday could even be described as fun. Had lunch with Yasa at Maxwell market, far enough from NUS for it not to be raining. He could tell I wasn't feeling happy and insisted on treating me to Chicken Rice. Am I that easy to read? Then we went to visit Simian at his place at Serangoon. After that, I spent an enjoyable evening with Evelyn(- rhymes). Dinner, conversation and then ice-cream. She insisted on paying for dinner since she is working and so I paid for the ice-cream. I have to remember to return the treat when I start work.

Sometimes, you can be walking along, not thinking about anything at all when a familiar song starts playing in the background and it strikes you with a strong wave of nostalgia, sadness, and tenderness, all rolled up into one.


Howie Day. Collide.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Was reminded of this beautiful poem today.

Slow Dance
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.