It's terrible. I am running a fever, my nose is blocked, my throat is sore, and my knee hurts from the refereeing I did this evening. The wind is whistling outside the window, and asking to be let in. I have tried to sleep butI am in such discomfort that I keep rolling around on the bed. So I get out of bed to read about more nigerian scammers on 419eater.com. I am miserable. I hope I make the final tomorrow.

Wu Yue Tian's new song - 盛夏光年, (from the Eternal Summer movie soundtrack) or rather the newest wu yue tian song I have heard, since the soundtrack was out even before their latest album. Anyways, I like it alot, especially the chorus - "放棄規則 放縱去愛 放肆自己 放空未來 我不轉彎! , 我不轉彎!" I wish I could do that. Some of you might think it's too "shouty" but I guess it's my kind of rock. It appeals to the rebellious streak in me. Dunno if the movie's coming to Singapore. I would sure like to see it.

Final against Thailand next Wednesday. I will definitely be there. Will you?

The Kallang Roar came back tonight. Ole Ole Ole, 55,000 fans filled the bowl shaped National Stadium to its brim. Singapore vs Malaysia, semi finals of the Asean Cup. Sell-out crowd. The roads to the stadium were all jammed up. On the way there, on my bike, I could feel the electricity in the air. You would have to go back to years ago for the last time that happened. Good Job Lions, you have made 54,000 people(discounting the 1000 or so Malaysian Fans in yellow) very happy tonight.It was truly a magical night at Kallang.

Just switched to the new blogger interface. Can't see what's so different about it.

After a two day break from the weather, I finally got to ride my bike today. It was a cool, cloudy, some may say gloomy-looking, day, but it was great! I love it when traffic is light and I can ride at whatever speed I want; though I wouldn't know how fast, with the speedo broke, and just enjoy the rolling views - I get the sort of light, blissful sense of happiness normally associated with falling in love. I have never regretted buying my bike. I rode past a secret spot, recently discovered with Wanxin and Nerine and I am again amazed at how a place like this can remain hidden away from most of Singapore, but I am also glad that it is.

Got an email this morning from NUS, regarding a job opening, but I am not going to say anymore of it, in case I jinx it. Riding along the winding country road, I remembered my promise to Silly Susan before I start work, and then other thoughts come in and then I begin to think maybe I should stop by the road to look at the people running their remote control buggies but I am too lazy. So I continue, past the mini-rubber plantation, the ancestral temples, past the houses with the swimming pools , over the railway tracks and then back out to typical everyday Singapore, where it felt as if I had just come out of a painting.

Yasa's cousin looks like Lil' Miss Sunshine,Abigail Breslin. Doesn't she?

Wednesday@The Cage

P1000414
Originally uploaded by wxlimwx.

Would you look down on me, if I told you apart from my love of soccer, the other reason I am down at the Cage for soccer is to network with the people from Barclays Bank? Because, frankly the standard ain't fantastic and I end up feeling like Ronaldinho, which is enjoyable, but only for a while. Before I picked Edmund up, I dropped by at the park of cats again.
This time I brought a pack of Whiskas Cat Food, but our cat wasn't there, so I fed the other shy white cats. Perhaps if I see the cat, I wouldn't miss seeing her. It's like, I dunno, I lost the thought. Maybe I go there just for the linger of memory.

Song of the day. Camera Obscura's Tears for Affairs, from their EP Let's Get Out of the Country. Yeah lets all do. I just love the retro feel of the song. Got an email today which signs off, "Never frown when you're down, you never know who's falling in love with your smile." Cool line.

I got lucky today, met Hongshen as I was walking to my car at Chinatown, he had just gone to see the doctor. I spotted his ipod earphones and asked him what happened to his Sony Nudes. He said his were spoilt so I asked him for his earbuds to replace my lost left side and he passed them to me!! So so so lucky!

Anyway, Flixster is a totally cool. Go rate your movies, it gets addictive. And then when u have done that, the program recommends you movies based on your taste and we can all go JB to buy the DVDs!!

Polaroid fun. Wanxin got her polaroid camera today. I prefer to wait till I am in the USA, and buy a vintage model. We had Briyani rice at Banana Leaf restaurant and then I went to school to watch my brother play, NUS vs NTU. Hit the gym, and after that, dinner with Gwen. I thought of popping by the Rovers desk like old times, but I knew what I was going to see, so it remained a thought. Instead, on my way home, I stopped by at Hoover Road, to look for the cat in the park. I found her curled up on the bench. I scratched her neck. She looked at me as if to ask, "Where is Susan?" I had no reply.

One of the best videos that I have seen on Youtube. Cristiano Ronaldo, Zlatan and Ronaldinho. Soccer fans you will love this one.

Just back from soccer and my legs are aching, I badly need to get fitter. My first game for Katong Rovers today, a friendly match as part of their preparations for the NFL Division One Season. I thought I did quite well. My passing was good, and the coach kept me on as a right winger for the whole of the 2nd half after I had come in as a substitute in the first half so I must be doing something right. Aware of my lack of stamina after such a long layoff, rarely did I try to take the man on, instead I relied on my passing and sent in some good crosses. I even won a penalty after being hacked down in the box. When your teammates start talking to you, you know you are doing well enough to be accepted. It's a bright start, I only hope I can maintain my form and keep things simple.

It seems I am living the idle semi-charmed kind of life, which I always thought was cool when I was young. I have completed my studies, scrapping through with an honours degree. Jobless, but I have a bike , Italian at that,the one I fell in love in at 17, which embues me with a measure of freedom. I have all the time to wander around Singapore and I am due to wander around the USA in a few months time. I have started windsurfing again. I earn some pocket money doing odd jobs like refereeing and bringing jap kids around Singapore. My family doesn't need me to pay the bills, I have all the time in the world, to discover myself, to do the things I really want to do. I want to play in the NFL, I want to learn how to cook, get better at windsurfing, I plan to work out, put on more weight, get stronger.

And yet I am worried, I feel pressured to find a job, to contribute to the family so I will not be seen as a lazy good-for-nothing wastrel. I had lunch with KenC the other day and he said something which resounds in me. "You have your whole life ahead of you for work , so take your time, don't worry, enjoy your freedom. when you start work, you will start to miss your life now."

I should be happy.

On my way home, I passed by Katong Shopping Centre, site of our many DOTA battles, and I started to miss my friends, one in New York and one in Wollongong,Down Under. Stopping at the junction, my neck was starting to hurt from the windsurfing. I renewed my membership for one more year. The weather at East Coast in the afternoon was perfect,there was no sun,and most importantly no rain while the rest of Singapore was getting drenched, and a hard wind was blowing, so it was perfect for seasoned windsurfers and I guess not so perfect for someone like me getting back in it after a long layoff, I got far out enough, and then spent most of the time sitting on the board, enjoying the breeze and counting airplanes on their way to Changi. The few times which I got up to try and get back to shore,inevitably the strong wind knocked me off balance and into the water. On my last attempt, the mast of the sail snapped off and I had to be pulled back to shore by Wilson. I wasn't the only one who had problems. Josephine drifted all the way to Bedok Jetty and she had to walk back to the sailing centre on foot while the people from PA towed her board and sail back. I cheered her up by sharing my potato wedges with her. Misery loves company, but it wasn't that bad. We had fun and it was funny to talk about it.

Before we started surfing, I rode all the way to the end of East Coast, to the U- shaped jetty,with the old fishermen with chocolate faces. I sat down and stared out at the sea. The wind on my face, the constant sigh of the waves at the end of their journey from far off lands. The scene was serene. I looked at the old fisherman, seated on the marble stool next to mine and we exchanged smiles without saying a word. In that moment, I felt at peace, in harmony with the world, everything that had been bothering me, relegated to an afterthought.

I always seem to have trouble parking when I drink. I needed 4 tries this time. It was only one pint, but I was all red and quite high, keeping everyone entertained. Alcohol sublimates your true feelings. You gain some measure of artifcial happiness.

Wynne, Nerine, and Olivia, 3 girls who are as cute as her, but I would never feel the same way towards them. It's her personality I am attracted to; which matters the most. Baito today, and I felt the same tenderness. Two very different persons, but I can see how I am attracted to different aspects of their personalities.

I had meant to have a quiet drink at Altivo, but Olivia got a table at Timbre, where the band has always been good. 1 for 1 Erdinger. High & Dry was perfect for the first song and then came Fix You, so so so apt.

Over msn, Liling wrote something, which I really appreciate. I want to feel happier.


玲 says:
dear mr brightside,
玲 says:
although i haven't known you for an awfully long time, nor do i know you well, it's sad to see you bright no more.
玲 says:
just felt like saying that. and this -->
mr Brightside :. Dr Jekyll is wrestling Hyde, for my pride says:
r u gg to write something touching cos i dun want to shed any tears
mr Brightside :. Dr Jekyll is wrestling Hyde, for my pride says:
haha
玲 says:
while all you talk abt is of a certain ms sunshine, to the bunch of us, you're like a mr sunshine brightening the times we spend with you just by being you. there's really nthg i can do to help you, but i do hope you revert to being mr brightside again. afterall, things will get better, as they always do.

Olivia's birthday dinner. Fish and Co at the glass house. I went up to the band to request a song for her. "Summer of 69." The song ended. The food hadn't arrived. It was drizzling outside and I was thinking again. Out of the conversation, I suddenly asked, "Do you think we will all still be friends when we are old?" Perhaps I would never feel as close to them as I did with her, but I dunno, maybe I wanted a kind of re-assurance. I don't think weird wayne will be going on any more adventures with silly susan, not when she'd only bring someone else to the places they have been to.

"If promise you will come to my funeral, I promise I will go to yours."

I was thinking about it, the whole way to vivocity, to meet Martha to choose Olivia's present. Thinking about how it's slowly dying, drying up. But that's the only way, That's what they all say. And when you have so much time like me, you tend to think alot. Maybe Mr Hyde is right.

I finished the Alchemist in the library. Trying to apply the lessons learnt from it, I picked up my phone and almost dialled a number, It is just the most meaningful book you could ever read, but I just couldn't bring myself to apply what I have learnt, no I am not as big as that. And if you look at it, it would have come to this eventually, when the choice is finally made. She can't have her cake and eat it at the same time.

Like many people, I used to think Polaroid was old technology, destined to be phased out in the digital age. I watched "New York Waiting" yesterday and it has given me a whole new perspective. Actually I am surprised it didn't appear so to me before.It should have been obvious. The Polaroid camera and instant photographs, embodies the motto "Live for the Moment." I dunno if the Polaroid marketing team has come up with that yet, but it's really a cool notion. You bring along a Polaroid camera everywhere you go, together with a marker pen. You see something or a special moment comes and you capture it, and immediately you are able to write something on the Polaroid Snapshot. You create your own postcards of the places you have been, to mail back to friends back home. Or start a polaroid scrapbook, together with all your immediate musings(instead of having to go home to upload your pictures) like a photo-journal. Live for the moment.



No I am not working for Polaroid. But they should give me one.

And now I wish I had had just cut the string. Punggol Beach is MY secret spot. I think I am falling sick, and not just feeling sick, my throat's all sore. I couldn't sleep so I put The Last Kiss on. Zach Braff again. Like in Garden State, he plays a guy who's at crossroads, 29 going 30, with a seemingly perfect life, he's having a baby with his beautiful girlfriend, he hangs out with the friends he has known since young, but he's terrified about growing up, worried about there being no more surprises in his life. This is a really good movie. It’s funny, poignant and incredibly sexy in places, yet it never feels like it’s short-changing either its characters or its audience, adopting a refreshingly honest approach to everything that it tackles.If you liked Love Actually, you will like this. And the soundtrack is fantastic.

I left poor charlie brown hanging out in the cold. >_< Not sure if that was the best thing to do. I caught sight of the silhouette of a bouquet of flowers hanging by the window and fled before Mr Hyde took over, leaving charlie brown all alone in the wind.

"I think you are more sore at losing than you are sad." She said. And I thought, that made some sense. But I really don't know. So I just stared at the view, at the changing dome of light above Capital Towers in the distance. They say happiness is a warm puppy. Patting Gordon on the head, altho he is no puppy, sure made me feel happier.

"While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside"

Sometimes I think there are two persons inside me. mr Brightside is made up of 2 conflicting entities. One of them is full of heart and wants to care, while the other one is a green-eyed monster, capable of doses of sarcasm. And while i can hold back and keep away the latter most of the time, there are rare instances when he slips out and before I can regret, the damage has been done.

In a bid to save my blog from being too melodramatic, I have included this random and possibly interesting entry.

Phobia names

1. Fear of heights = acrophobia
2. Fear of small spaces = claustrophobia
3. Fear of spiders = arachnophobia
5. Fear of cats = ailurophobia
6. Fear of time = chronophobia
7. Fear of marriage = gamophobia
8. Fear of crossing bridges = gephyrophobia

"There's no point in letting jealousy affect you." That's plain, simple and true. But being able to see it doesn't mean you are able to follow through with it. No, not when it is the main surge of emotion which seizes you in those moments. You just feel like going, "Fuck!" My friend's mum passed away yesterday. When I heard the news, for a couple of seconds I felt sadness and sympathy and then I was detached again, back into the jealousy induced whirlpool and I begin to wonder if something is wrong with me, or is it just human to be this selfish and consumed first by the problems(is there even a problem) in our personal lives. Maybe if I was closer to him, I would feel more? I don't know.

If I wasn't jealous, it would mean I didn't like her. But I don't want to feel jealousy. I hate this feeling. Before I fell asleep last night, I received an SMS from Simian in New York. It read, " xiang I moved into my hostel le its snow everywhere here and i am rather lost but slowly feeling my way around hope to see you in may and take care." It was something which shook the jealousy away, at least long enough, as I thought hard of what to reply, how best to convey my regards and to find the most reassuring words, because I have been there alone in winter and I know how lonely it can get. In the end I sent two messages, because I felt the first one wasn't enough and I tried to pray a bit for him, but I fell asleep soon.

This morning, earlier on the BBC, I heard about how global warming and the discharge of industrial waste into the oceans, is resulting in an exponential growth in the jellyfish population, wreaking havoc in fishing communities, where the jellyfish compete for food with the young fishlings and clogging up nuclear reactors from N America, to the Philippines and Japan and it just puts things into perspective, that there are so many greater problems in the world, and yet it seems we will always be concerned most only with the smaller, more immediate things in our lives. So the next time a beauty queen says, World Peace, or Stopping Poverty, think again.

I am glad for the ESPN job, there's just so much to learn and it's been interesting, as far as the first day goes, at least there is something to take my mind away for 8 hours a day.

"Try to understand, when I can, I will."




Mayonaise by the Smashing Pumpkins. The song for how I am feeling right now. Love the intro. First day at ESPN.

And so Yasa left too. My eyes were red as I drove out of the airport. I don't know how I can describe this dreadful sense of emptiness and loneliness which fills my heart. I just want to curl up in bed and let sleep take me away.

The 4 of us who grew up together.
"If you really like her, go get her." He said.

"I don't understand why you have to make jokes to hide your sadness." Yasa said to me as we were walking towards the exit of terminal one. He then gave me a hug, and I really needed that. He didn't look back as he passed by the gates, and everyone there all 15 of us, we knew why. He was wiping his specs.


Turning into the carpark below my place, I received an sms, it read: dear bros, i cannot thank you all enough for turning up at such an unearthly hour to send me off I will always rem the times we spent together hope to see you all soon and take good care of yourself *hugz*

That was when my tears started flowing.

Sure feels like I am leaning on a broken fence between past and present tense. I am sitting in front of the computer at Simian's place, waiting for the rest to arrive. Then a last supper, and we are off to the airport. A slow depression has been creeping up on me since saturday, knowing 2 of my closest friends, since we were kids are leaving. Life will go on and I know I will still have alot of good friends, but somehow I have never felt as lonely. 2007 is a period of change and maybe its the inertia thats affecting me, I don't know. Before I was excited about the challenges ahead, now everything seems to have taken a nose dive and I can only brace myself for the impact.


I will miss you guys.

Coming from the bustle of Clarke Quay, I was surprised at how quiet and serene it was on a sunday evening. 4 friends(Lulu, Gwen, Jianhua) having some beers on the steps of the war memorial, opposite the padang, below Our Glorious Dead. There was a slight breeze, we kicked off our shoes and it was extremely relaxing. The durian, topped with blue lights behind us, Swissotel and New Asia Bar on our right,slightly to the left beyond the padang, a UFO had landed on the roof of the Supreme Court. I had a can of smooth Sapporo Beer, the rest had Tigers, the conversation was crazy, it cracked us up. I got red and a little less inhibited and there was more laughter and I suddenly thought, I tried not to, but in the end, it happened. I like her.

An hour passed pretty fast, and it felt late, because Man Utd were playing, and I wanted to see Henrik Larsson's debut, but I wanted to stay too, because it was rare for us to be there. Then more thinking, and I think she is probably out, and I can guess with who. And I suddenly feel like pulling away again.

Years will pass, and in someplace, out of the blue, I will hear this song, and it will remind me of today.


Another day, and Monday gets closer. We leave at 4am, and talk about how it is going to be the next time, we talk about strategies, as if we had all the time. But it was probably our last time. They leave on Monday. I can't envision us doing the same thing, the next time we see each other, a year from now or maybe more. Very unlikely. We've been friends as far as I can remember, and I know we will stay friends, but this is goodbye to DOTA.

On the second day of 2007, I had dinner at Muthu's curry with Yasa and Terence. And I am also aware that he will be gone in a few days, back to Wollongong in Australia that is. 7 more days, Yasa will fly off in the morning and then at night Simian will fly off to Cornell, Uttaca, New York to do his masters and Singapore will be a much lonelier place for me. :(

A rainbow to start off the New Year.

So this is the new year, but I have no resolutions....