If you still read my blog, here's a Star whenever you are unhappy; to brighten up your day.

Shit happened. I thought I could handle it. Sunny disposition, Mr Brightside and all. It's all a mess now. People tell me she's nothing special. Lots of girls out there. She is special, to me. I absolutely adore her. I can truly be myself when I am with her. I want to improve, to be a better person,for her.I dunno what I am doing anymore. I walked about in a daze today. Got hit by a van crossing the road. I left my handphone at the YIH canteen, went to the library, went around searching for it, and missed soccer training. People find it hard to believe that I can be so sad, and so I smile to them and try to be normal, mr brightside, where's the fucking bright side? I am grateful people care, but do they understand? I am losing touch with my childhood friends. Grown apart. Yasa came back from Australia today. And where did they go? To the Nightclub, for the girls.
I just want to get drunk and wasted. Then maybe the pain will go away.

All I wanted was to see you smile. To share your sorrows. Punch me if you feel like doing. Don't say your heart is cold, or worse, call yourself a bitch. You are not. I never meant to put you in a spot. Your parents have already succeeded in tearing us apart. I know you still care. Why force your heart to become cold as well? I will still treat you as Kaori, the friend I can share all my thoughts with and I hope it stays the same for you.

After training in the mud, the rest of Sunday looms ahead. It seems like I am destined to spend it in bed listening to sad songs. Mr Brightside should be changed to Mr Melloncollie.

Serendipity; Fate; Coincidence. Random, unpredictable events. How unfortunate that we can only rely on them to see each other. Unexpected occurences surely make for precious moments.

Tears are forthcoming. Salty tears, like seawater. It occured to me that perhaps the oceans are filled with tears.

10 hrs and already the pangs hit. The game later is a hassle. Memory is a gift that can also be an awful curse.

And so it is. I dunno what the future will bring or if this is really the end. I dunno how long I will wait. You will always be special to me. Thank you for the memories.

It is hard to get to sleep. I hate myself. I refuse to give up. Is that turning the sweet memories of what we had bitter? I wish I had the answers. It must be so fucking tough on you. I wish I didn't have to make it tougher. It's a fucked up life.

Soccer is good for me. It leaves me exhausted. Too exhausted to think and worry or feel sad. After dinner last night, i fall asleep in a flash in front of the TV as Man Utd crash 3-1 to Man City. I woke up this morning, two hours ago and the sky is so blue and it will probably be a beautiful day but I don't feel keen to do anything at all. There's church, but I figure I don't want to go there anymore. It's just this place with people or should I call them friends? who talk about nothing but God; Jesus, trust everything in Him. They are good people, no doubt but it gets a bit boring. Would they be able to be as pious and God-loving had they not been born into such privileged lives? The fact is, Singapore is an oasis in a world which is very much screwed up. Trust everything in Him? Take a good look at the world today. What was God doing when the tsunami struck? Where is the God in the starving children in Africa. Stop playing chess with the Angels! I am not blaming God or pointing fingers or anything, it's just that I think the church has implanted a skewed image of the world in the minds of some people. Worship him? Isn't it all selfishness? So we will be blessed? I know I pray for things to happen. I am selfish. Human.

The sun came back today. And yet I don't feel the sunshine. I went to the national library after school. Nothing much.The days somehow feel really empty. This morning my mum asked me if i needed money to buy clothes for new year. But I only want to go with you.

I don't urgently have a need for new clothes. I need a shoe bag more. 4 Days.

3 days. There are so many things I want to say to her and yet I don't know what to say.

五月天 - 超人
词:阿信曲:冠佑+阿信


世界如果被残酷攻击只要给我一个电话亭
把内裤当外衣如果你能够开心
展开披风带你飞行

谁赐予我这一身无助的能力
神也不能阻挡你想离开的心
为什黱拯救地球是那黱容易
为什黱束手无策啊我和你的爱情
为什黱我能飞天也能够遁地
为什黱我却没办法长驱直入你的心

曾经你赞美我手臂逛街多能提日日夜夜贴身保护你
最凶狠的怪兽也不能与我为敌
那为何害怕你的泪滴

我给了我这一幕难堪的结局
谁要这样超人连自己也救不起
为什黱拯救地球是那黱容易
为什黱束手无策啊我和你的爱情
为什黱拯救地球终於完美结局
为什黱 我只能够眼看著爱燃烧成灰烬

世界如果被残酷攻击谁来接手我的超能力

2 days.
And the rain continues. Training today in MPSH1 was extremely tiring. At the end of the 3rd set, my heart was beating so fast it was painful. Managed to finish the 4th and final set; It was a struggle. I can only count down the days......

I hope you dance.



Lee Ann Womack "I hope you dance"

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking,
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making,
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

you know it is love or something like it when you want to share everything with her, even her pain. You know it is love when you can't stop thinking about her. You know it is love when you'd rather be in a relationship but apart than not in a relationship at all. But, most of all, you know it is love when your happiness is dependant upon hers. At least that's how I know.


If the days won't allow us to see each other, memories will, and if my eyes cannot see you, my heart will not forget you

God if you are listening, please help. I want this to last. So much.

Close to you, we watched the sky light up in different colours.
A whiff of shampoo, a small, warm feeling of bliss.


"So this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance

so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self- assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back

so this is the new year

-"The New Year", Deathcab For Cutie