if the sky falls on my head while i am chasing butterflies, so be it
every moment, every turning point, every romantic encounter in life, has been marked with a distinct song. our frailties, dreamy encounters and setbacks are always reflected with a soundtrack- a tune which brings us back, a button that allows us to freeze time and playback all those precious moments, good or bad.
Saddam Hussein was hanged this morning, on the second last day of 2006. I went rock-climbing in the afternoon at tanjong pagar with my buddies from NUS, Gwen, KenC, and Lulu. (Kenny's girlfriend Sandy took the photo for us, so you don't see her.) Not my favorite activity, but it was fun, until I strained my shoulder again.
Then the best part of the day. Borat, the ridiculously hilarious movie, which had me in stitches from the start to finish. My stomach is still a little sore now. The funniest movie I have seen this year by a mile. Go see it, if you can that is, its R-21.
Wu Yue Tian's long awaited new album is finally out! I have been waiting for it since the ABC concert so it was a little packet of happiness finally getting my hands on it and slotting it into the CD player. Browsing through the songs now and track 7 , Zhui Zhong Yao De Xiao Shi sounds very promising.
Thursday out with Wanxin and Nerine. Retro was the theme. Nerine brought us to Lorgans Retro Stall ( www.lorgans.com) which stocks lovely, but also very expensive retro furniture. A rotating dial telephone adds a touch of novelty to making calls and I just love the sound of the spring compressing but who would have thought it would cost $195. We had fun wandering around the shop or rather warehouse looking at all the unaffordable groovy antique furniture. When I win the lottery, you can all come to my place to make calls using an antique rotating dial telephone.
Next we ended up at Arab St, for some famous Bak Kut Teh, piping hot on a cold, wet day and since Haji Lane was nearby, we decided to spend some time there, which turned out to be alot of time. I saw a lovely Che Guevara Tee which I wanted to buy immediately, but it turned out to be too small. We enjoyed ourselves wandering around the various artsy lifestyle boutiques along the lane, taking photos with the graffiti artwork on the walls and then the girls suddenly had a brainwave to rent horror movies, so after dinner for them, Lan Gaming for me, we converged at Wanxin's place for Amityville and Shutter. It was 4am by the time we finished. I found Shutter the more scary of the 2 and there was a moral behind the story too, in creepy fashion.
We left Liling's place at 6am this morning. I had my share of fun, played a little mahjong, and then Dota on Battlenet, which I think I totally suck at, going by the numerous requests from the people on my team for me to leave. "Please quit, Sniper." I guess most of all, there was some relief from the strange, uncommon loneliness that has descended upon me. When did it start and why did it start, I can't be sure but I have a clue. I guess with the people I don't know well, I can afford to be someone else, to be less serious. I was at my most whimsical, switching between totally irrelevant and unrelated topics. And they say I am just like a small kid, but I wish I truly was one, then perhaps I wouldn't be smiling outside and snowing inside.
We live in an interconnected world. What goes around comes around eventually. The mere flutter of the wings of a butterfly is sufficient to cause a hurricane. A 7.2 Richter Earthquake shook Taiwan this morning, and I am glad that the sunshine girl is back from Taipei and in Singapore. Underwater internet cables were ruptured by the impact of the quake, cutting out the internet connection, proving that seemingly faraway events can affect our daily lives. So think again the next time you litter just because you are in Malaysia. Mahjong at Liling's place later, will it rain anymore?
Kenny bought me a shirt from Korea. It reads, the world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.
The wettest month in living memory. The rain which started early this morning continued way into the evening. Driving home, the rain streaked down the windscreen, even with the wipers working hard, it seemed as if I was driving without my contact lens, and even as I write, I can hear the pitter patter on the window, making yesterday morning seem ever more like a blessing. My knee hurts from the dampness.
Xmas morning. Breakfast was another fun-filled adventure with Susan and Wayne. I love the helmet, thank you so much !!! Dropped off the sunshine girl and went for a Japanese lunch with Uncle Mark and family. It started to rain after that. Feeling sleepy right now so I won't write too much. My siesta is long overdue.
Riding past, I realise how much shorter the distance has become. Has it been that long? 13 years. But that was also me then, sitting on the frame of Burong's mountain bike, cruising down the same route and yet in reminiscing, it feels as if I was a different person. I was younger, and I realise now, very much clueless, about the world and the whole scheme of things. Was I happier, knowing less? Very probable. The places have changed, some buildings gone, roads widened and diverted, yet in the swirly reflected surface of the pool of memory, I still see them as they were. And I hold these memories dear.
25 today, but age is only a number. I have said it before and I will say it again, what I want is to live a life less ordinary. It doesn't have to be the earth-shaking, news-making things that I accomplish, but rather, I want to appreciate the simple, most beautiful things in life. Yesterday I watched Lil' Miss Sunshine on DVD and,well I can't describe how it fits into this picture, but it does.It reiterates my outlook on life.
C.W, Uncle Ed, and Brother Boon gave me a treat at Hans last night, it wasn't anything posh or expensive but it was warm and delicious on a rainy day.
The sun is shining again and I just want to go out to ride my bike :).
Why do we have 2 family photos, you might wonder. My mum wasn't happy with me wearing the hat,she wanted a 'proper' family photo, so we had to take another one without it, but i managed to persuade my brother to hold the football. Our favourite cousins are in the centre photo.
My brother's birthday(I bought him the new ipod shuffle 1GB for his hillsongs and hymns) and our parents bought an ice cream cake, so I invited as many of the people whom we grew up with to come over. Talking to simian over msn reminds me of fridays in secondary school when we would gather at Yang Weikang's house for mahjong before court soccer, and I would stake out at his window facing the bus-stop for the girl with blue pinafolds.
ts not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: yang laobu coming? mr Brightside: above the clouds at Gunung Ledang says: yup its not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: swee its not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: mj liaoz loh its not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: hahahahaha mr Brightside: above the clouds at Gunung Ledang says: yup mr Brightside: above the clouds at Gunung Ledang says: he ask us go his hse mr Brightside: above the clouds at Gunung Ledang says: i scared he got improvement in his gong li mr Brightside: above the clouds at Gunung Ledang says: very long nv see him le its not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: hahahahah its not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: dun care lah its not the date of your birth or death that matters...its the dash in between that matters says: lamb chop liaoz mr Brightside: above the clouds at Gunung Ledang says: maybe he go to a cave to learn new skills
It's gonna be mahjong tonight, Prince or Pauper, Lady Luck will decide.
Setting off for ophir in an hour and a half's time. I should be looking forward to it but I am not. It seems the dunkin donut happiness has worn off. I put on Mayday, and even the song seems to tell this story. She said she was shocked and hurt by what I wrote. Is that what happens when you tell it like it is? Should we all resort to vagueness when we put our thoughts to words, weaving puzzling sequences of words, from now on?
My eyes opened at 4am. I reach around for the watch in the dark. The first thought which came to my mind was I don't need pity, even if I know that was not what she meant, but I don't need pity. The things we said to each other in a vain attempt to make things right only seem to make things worse. True, we have become close in a matter of weeks but that is where the danger lies, something constructed in haste is also one in which the cement is still damp. I don't know if you feel it but this pretty castle of cards is fast swaying in the wind.
Acoustic Duo at Timbre last night. 3 songs which stood out for me, Time after Time, Iris, and Mayonaise. Temporary highs. I lament the breakup of the Smashing Pumpkins. After that, Supper with Wanxin at Bedok 85 dragged back my bedtime till 4am, police road blocks were everywhere. An early morning sms, I didn't want her to worry, so I promised I would try.
If I was happy to see her, I couldn't show it. And I was. You dunno how hard this is not being able to be yourself. But in my head I kept thinking, she's andy's girl now and things will have to change. I remember a conversation I had with Laiyee and she said, " Now that she and him are gonna get together, I will have to slowly fade away." I guess I must have had taken her words more seriously than I had thought, because I think now maybe, that this is what I must do also. Fade away.
The sun broke through the mass of dark clouds as I stood in the centre of the soggy NUS field, 22 huffing players all around me, transforming the moment, and giving me hope that I will soon be out of this. To bail out now is the right time, I think, because you can't hope to fight the history that they have. Beautiful blue skies are behind these dark clouds, I just need to sit tight and they will soon blow away.
In the middle of mahjong at Nelly's place last night, Liling had just discarded her tile when I suddenly wondered, "Have I been falling for all the wrong girls?"
Woke up early this morning, the high of last night fast fading.Keyed in a message on my handphone that I dunno if I will send, dunno if I am big enough. It's going to be a day without sun again. Feels like I have just woken from a dream.
Went to the ABC concert with Rachel tonight for Mayday, but before that we had to endure 2 hrs of Bobby Chen and Pin Guan. I seriously wanted to strangle Pin Guan, because Mayday was coming up after him but he just kept singing and singing all his weepy love songs, which sound all the same to me.
At 10.24, Pin Guan finally decided he had his fill of singing and the concert really started. The crowd went wild and so did we. The fantastic five started off with Sun Wu Kong which got everyone all warmed up. Then there was Ren Sheng Hai Hai which I totally sang along to, "就算是整个世界把我抛弃 而至少快乐伤心我自己决定 所以我说就让他去我知道潮落之后一定有潮起 有什么了不起" They really rocked la and we were jumping up and down, even mummy Rachel who's normally reserved was jumping, screaming and waving her light stick. Then there was jue jiang which I realise is super meaningful, and I resolve that I must try to live my life like that.
It was Ah Shin's birthday, the 6th of December. Everyone in the indoor stadium joined in to sing him a birthday song and he was visibly touched. I am just so high now. 我爱五月天!!!!
More on the concert when Rachel sends me the pictures. Their new album is out on the 13th of this month. Can't wait.
Jealousy spoils things. I would have been content to drift along but then I couldn't not address it, not when the green-eye monster becomes me. The other day Simian asked me to show him a picture of the girl who has been making me think so much and I did and he said "chey, looks like auntie" but it didn't affect me, because it's her personality that attracts me and if I hadn't started feeling these pangs of jealousy, I would have been happy for us to enjoy each other's company as good friends. Now I decide I need to take a step back and I wonder how things will change.
Went to the library after collecting my pay, then Liangting called and we ended up at Orchard Road checking out arty designer tees, Yammi Yogurt, and then to Bukit Merah for the CDG shop.
Years of playing competitive soccer have taken their toll on my legs. It rained today and my right ankle started to hurt and swell. Apart from that, I guess it was a pretty good day, when I wasn't expecting to have one. This was my thought as I was sitting in Tweety's car on top of Sheares Bridge, the jam at the Rochor exit affording us a good view of the city in the evening rush hour, Mayday playing on the stereo, while storm clouds loomed off on the far left.
Had lunch with Prof Anthony Chin today, duck rice at south buona vista, and he was of the opinion that I am good enough for something better than working in the FAS. I think it's really great that a professor and his student can become friends and I promised that after I get a job, the next lunch would be on me. Next I bought a book from the Co-op, Slow Man, by J.M Coetzee, winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, according to the New York Times Book Review, it is " Beautifully composed, deeply thought, wonderfully written." It starts off well enough.
Spent some time in the library surfing the net, letting the food digest and then popped in to the econs honours room to look in on the people studying there and then Yasa called, which led me to Katong where we battled it out at Command and Conquer Generals. After the rain, Yasa went home to sleep and I went to Tweety's place fiddled with his Xbox 360 for awhile waiting for the ERP to pass. I left my bike there and he drove his Impreza AWD down to Fish and Co at Novena for dinner with our friends from hall- Clare and Elgin and my friends from econs - Martha, Olivia and Kenneth, well they all became friends after I introduced them to each other. Clare commented that I looked really tanned, but I haven't really been out in the sun alot, plus its been raining so much, so I really don't know. It was an enjoyable dinner and I was trying my best to stay in the different conversations of the 2 groups but in the end I decided to bridge the gap by giving a magic performance, which turned out to be a comedy perfomance.
Martha thinks a sunshine girl will be just right for me and everyone else agreed. The hard part is that I have to convince the sunshine girl that everything will be alright.We stayed till Fish and Co closed and then Tweety let me drive his all-wheel-drive Impreza, down to the new Marina Pier which looks really pretty at night.
I just love this mtv, ~ along a beach, a boy with floppy hair covering his eyes and a girl who deals tarot cards, a cursor of the fate which links them.And years later, all grown up, they kiss with soft snow falling down over the beach. Dunno why it just sounds better, with a tempo slightly faster than the radio version. The beach house is just beautiful. you have stolen my heart.
My ipod drowned this morning. Knowing how fond I am of my music, you can imagine my mood this morning. Lunch with Rachel and Yasa kinda cheered me up. We had Gelatto after a good lunch of Ramen and I was smiling again. Last night riding home, I got into a sort of argument with an asshole driving a mitsubishi spacewagon. I was keeping to my lane at the Fort Road exit to the ECP when the spacewagon cut into my lane dangerously forcing me to veer off to the side because his lane was blocked up ahead due to road works. I was furious. It was red at the junction i rode up next to him and banged on his window and when he winded it down I told him off and his reply which made me even angrier was simply, " So?..... my car bigger." I just smiled and said, "Just you watch out." When the light turned green I burst off at high speed but it didn't end because he was determined to race me, with his wife and old mother at the back in tow, which very clearly shows what sort of a person he is.
We stopped at the next junction and when the lights turned green again the race was on again. But how could a spacewagon pick up faster than a bike, so I was always ahead. It was only after I got home and cooled off that I realise how dangerous it was to be racing with a car, like throwing eggs against a rock. Evening today was kinda disappointing, but having a good chat with Wynne outside her house when I went to pass her a bookmark I bought for her, made me feel much better.
I do only what my heart tells me to do. But now I am not so sure. I wonder if I should take a step back, because I hate fee ling jealous.
You could be my unintended Choice to live my life extended You could be the one I'll always love You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions You could be the one I'll always love First there was the one who challenged All my dreams and all my balance. She could never be as good as you
"And what i do is what i feel And what i feel is where i have to go And where i go is where you are. My love, my fear, my beating heart... And what my senses say is this That where i'm scared to go is bliss..."
Woke up early this morning.Through the windows in my parents' room, the crimson sun was rising up over the blocks on the other side of the expressway. She was right, a night's sleep and tomorrow is indeed a better day, at least it feels this way.
Last night, after I checked in on Yasa at Ward 5, (He's been moved) I took the longest route, home. It was good. Out of SGH, I passed Depot Road, past Gilman Heights, past Queensway and the hot smell of tar where they were relaying the roads, then the Car Showrooms at Leng Kee, then Tanglin, to riding along Orchard Road by night, the roads still chock full with vehicles; taxis picking up nocturnal creatures, then past Goodwood Hotel with the most beautiful Christmas tree of lights I have seen this year, past Newton then Novena, roads which I walked last year, whilst holding back tears. I thought of what I want to say, would you want to hear it?
I have just finished my last exam in NUS(I hope.) Japanese 1. It will be good if I do well, but right now it doesn't matter even if I don't. I guess you can say that I am all grown up. As I left the exam venue, I felt light, as if a weight had been lifted but at the same time I felt some sadness, because I have had some great times in NUS and it will take some getting used to, not being a student with all the time in the world between lectures, making new friends, hell even mugging was fun. There is a sense of camaraderie between people studying for the same exam.
But my whole life lies ahead of me and as I walked along the corridor of the SRC, where the noticeboards are, some memory snippets come back to me, comforting nostalgia and I keep repeating these words in my head, "The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things and people affect you.." I don't know yet what I want to do next in my life but maybe I will enjoy figuring it out.
and I ask myself what is it that I feel for her.
============================================================================ Added at 8:42 Pm Walked around town, went to Borders then the national lib and then met edmund for dinner. Edmund the wise old man, always makes sense. Got home, read Silly Susan's blog entry. The simplest words can elicit such sadness. This track by the Smashing Pumpkins just sums up what I feel.
